I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
