The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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