is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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