We're facebook friends in real life
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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