as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
