And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
