You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
