When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
