What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
