I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
