I think I just saw someone hide a body.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
