i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
