pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
