I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
