if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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