I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
