She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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