just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
