If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
