I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
