I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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