i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
