So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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