My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
