honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
