I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
