Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
