They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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