There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
