Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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