just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
