i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
