I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
