but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
