On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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