If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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