4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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