My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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