My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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