I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have already put on my inside pants.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
