we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
where are you?
Hypothermia
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
