Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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