He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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