She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
