I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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