if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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