At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
