He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
