And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
