I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have aggressive nipples.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
