I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
