i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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