finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize