Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
