...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
