In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
