you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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