when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
