two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Come share oat with me in your robe
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
