..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
