Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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