my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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