It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
