I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize