i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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