I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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