we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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