If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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