exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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