she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
