just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
