he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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