I got chris browned last night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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