Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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