i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're breaking my sexual little heart
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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