barbara walters just said penis...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
