dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
